Thursday, March 31, 2011

The One with the underwear showing.

At the risk of sounding like a bad Seinfeld stand-up routine, I just cannot hold my tongue any longer:

WHAT IS IT WITH GUYS' PANTS HANGING DOWN THEIR ASSES?

Just yesterday, I was driving home from various errands, and I saw a young man (20-ish?) walking down the street wearing some colorful plaid boxers... oh, and he had a pair of pants around his thighs. I drove by, shaking my head and rolling my eyes. When this fashion trend (and I use the term loosely) began surfacing, I thought it might last a season or two, at best. But here we are, countless seasons later and yet I continue to see boys' underwear at seemingly every turn.

I have so many questions.

1. How do you manage to walk around with pants sagging around your thighs? Either you're forced to pull them up every three paces or you've cinched a belt so tightly that you end up walking like a penguin. Honestly, it looks like serious effort, and it seems to me you're getting zero payoff. Women are no strangers to challenging (and even painful) fashion trends, but at least stilletos make a chick's legs look longer and her ass look higher. Sometimes they even win you a free dinner.

2. Do I really need to see your underwear? Are they super special somehow? Do they glow in the dark, have pictures of jolly rogers or arrowed hearts on them? Were these underwear a gift, and you're simply trying to show your appreciation? Did someone make them for you? If you're that keen on displaying them, why not just wear them on the outside of your pants?

3. How is pants hanging off your ass attractive? HOW? Is it supposed to accentuate your ass? Your underwear? Make your legs look shorter? Make your shirt look longer? I just DO NOT get it.

4. After trying out this... "look", why continue with it? I will admit I've tried a few fashion trends that were ill advised, at best (as my junior high school photos will atest), but I've moved on. I beg of you to do the same.

My very own nephew, I'm afraid, suffers from the dillusion that the pants-hanging-off-your-ass look is The Thing To Do. I finally got up the courage to ask him about (berate him over?) this fashion choice. When I asked him, simply, "Why?" he offered me the pat answer, "I dunno." When pressed further, he just shrugged.

And then it hit me: perhaps the throngs of boys and men who are wearing their pants like this simply don't realize HOW pants are meant to be worn. Maybe they've never been taught what the numbers on the manufacturer's tag are for, yes?

WELL.

That first number there? Is the size of your waist, which is actually where the top of your pants are supposed to be. What's that? Don't know where your waist is? Find your belly button. Your waist is right around there - maybe a few inches lower.

Yes, way up there.

No, I'm not kidding.

So, next time you put on a pair of pants, try - just TRY - wearing them snuggly in that general area. You'll be amazed how much easier it is to walk around.

You're welcome. (p.s. you look like an idiot.)

5 comments:

  1. I once saw a guy (20ish) wearing his pants like this and just as I wondered how they don't fall down, they did! To his ankles. He looked so embarassed and looked hurridly to see who had witnessed this and when he saw me, I couldn't help it, I doubled over in laughter.

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  2. I couldn't agree with you more, Jeanne! I detest it when I see people strolling around with their undies leisurely hanging UNDER their ass...

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  3. so very funny Jeanne and so well said. I have a few people in my family who suffer from that problem too.
    Rita

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  4. not sure why i didn't see this one the first time-- thank you for a good laugh! (mostly because i too shake my head as i drive to work) this should be published somewhere 'official' -- it's just THAT good :)

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