The One with the underwear showing.

At the risk of sounding like a bad Seinfeld stand-up routine, I just cannot hold my tongue any longer:

WHAT IS IT WITH GUYS' PANTS HANGING DOWN THEIR ASSES?

Just yesterday, I was driving home from various errands, and I saw a young man (20-ish?) walking down the street wearing some colorful plaid boxers... oh, and he had a pair of pants around his thighs. I drove by, shaking my head and rolling my eyes. When this fashion trend (and I use the term loosely) began surfacing, I thought it might last a season or two, at best. But here we are, countless seasons later and yet I continue to see boys' underwear at seemingly every turn.

I have so many questions.

1. How do you manage to walk around with pants sagging around your thighs? Either you're forced to pull them up every three paces or you've cinched a belt so tightly that you end up walking like a penguin. Honestly, it looks like serious effort, and it seems to me you're getting zero payoff. Women are no strangers to challenging (and even painful) fashion trends, but at least stilletos make a chick's legs look longer and her ass look higher. Sometimes they even win you a free dinner.

2. Do I really need to see your underwear? Are they super special somehow? Do they glow in the dark, have pictures of jolly rogers or arrowed hearts on them? Were these underwear a gift, and you're simply trying to show your appreciation? Did someone make them for you? If you're that keen on displaying them, why not just wear them on the outside of your pants?

3. How is pants hanging off your ass attractive? HOW? Is it supposed to accentuate your ass? Your underwear? Make your legs look shorter? Make your shirt look longer? I just DO NOT get it.

4. After trying out this... "look", why continue with it? I will admit I've tried a few fashion trends that were ill advised, at best (as my junior high school photos will atest), but I've moved on. I beg of you to do the same.

My very own nephew, I'm afraid, suffers from the dillusion that the pants-hanging-off-your-ass look is The Thing To Do. I finally got up the courage to ask him about (berate him over?) this fashion choice. When I asked him, simply, "Why?" he offered me the pat answer, "I dunno." When pressed further, he just shrugged.

And then it hit me: perhaps the throngs of boys and men who are wearing their pants like this simply don't realize HOW pants are meant to be worn. Maybe they've never been taught what the numbers on the manufacturer's tag are for, yes?

WELL.

That first number there? Is the size of your waist, which is actually where the top of your pants are supposed to be. What's that? Don't know where your waist is? Find your belly button. Your waist is right around there - maybe a few inches lower.

Yes, way up there.

No, I'm not kidding.

So, next time you put on a pair of pants, try - just TRY - wearing them snuggly in that general area. You'll be amazed how much easier it is to walk around.

You're welcome. (p.s. you look like an idiot.)

The one on vacation

This is the first vacation we've taken in three years. I hesitate to call it a vacation, really. We're visiting family, and though I've been amassing a vast arsenal of lovely memories (not to mention a full sd card of photos), visiting family isn't always relaxing. We've got to juggle spending time with family while trying to make time to see friends as well. Navigating family dynamics, particularly when we haven't been privy to them in several years and have forgotten when to bob and weave around certain ancestral mine fields, has proven to be a bit tricky.

Overall, however, it's been a fantastic time. We've been fortunate to spend time with people I didn't think we'd get a chance to see, like my sister and brother-in-law, whom I adore. They drove almost six hours (each way) to visit us, and I will be forever grateful for their efforts. My daughter, their niece, will be four years old in just over a month, and this was the first time she and my brother-in-law had met. Despite my daughter continually forgetting his name and calling him simply, "the boy", they got along smashingly.

On the second leg of our trip we've been visiting my husband's family, which has been equally satisfying. We've gotten to see many of his old friends (dating back to junior high and high school) as well as spend quality time with family. Perhaps the most heart-swelling moments have been watching our daughter enjoying the company of her two cousins who are incredibly sweet, talented and beautiful girls.

Now though, after two weeks away from our home and routine (not to mention our dog), we're ready to head back. It's been a long trip, but a great trip, and one we won't soon forget. But if we do, at least we'll have the photo documentation to prove we ventured west.